If you haven’t already, please read the introduction post. That will give you context for this page.
As I mentioned at the end of last week’s post, my intensity is broken up by silliness. (Just as this post will be broken up by pictures of silliness on an outing with a friend.)
It seems like, sometime around age 13, one is expected to grow out of silliness. Silliness is immature. Silliness isn’t cool. Silliness is taking you away from deep and important issues and ideas. (And they say that I’m too intense…get over it!)
And, whilst I’m not as broadly and publicly silly (I mean, it’s not gone…I have too many headbands with cat ears that I wear any time of the year or hats with ears and faces that I’ll giddily break out when winter hits…just as a couple examples), I’m just not going to ever fully let go. Never ever ever.
I think it’s just that I love to laugh and enjoy myself (I’m not fun-motivated, but I’m also not a robot…that you know of…). I would assume we all do. I love the light and smile-inducing bubbles of pleasantness that silliness can lead to. And, as you’ve surely realised by now, I balk at most social conventions that limit what I can enjoy or do based on my age. Sure, I’m totally okay with not trying to hook up with someone who’s too young. And I can get behind restrictions on drinking or driving based on age. (And on a complete restriction to doing both at the same time, no matter your age.)
But I return to my old refrain: as long as I’m living up to my commitments and taking care of my people, I’m not going to let my age dictate my life.
And the people in my life don’t have to match me in silliness, but you’re not going to find yourself in my inner circle unless you at least kind of find my silly quirks and moments endearing.
If the main way you know me is through this series of writings, it might be hard to believe I’m silly. And, sure, my brain is full of difficult and deep thoughts. My fingers drip lyrics and poems that are full of my trickier emotions. The inhumane way that people treat each other and the planet and animals makes me sad and angry. Depression is a pretty constant reality of my life. And all that is exactly why silliness is important in my life. It’s a sweet, free breath when I feel like I’m drowning in all the heavy waters of this life.
(When I was younger, I think the silliness shaming had more to do with the way that an adult life makes it hard to be patient with anything that doesn’t seem productive. And silliness and play rarely seem productive. So, so sad…)
So, you feel free to be grown up. Really. I don’t need everyone else to be silly like me. But I’m going to keep singing silly songs to my cat. And I’m going to laugh every time I see fish balls or melon ballers. And so on and so forth. Cos I like some rainbow streaks in my little, black life!
Cross-posted to the Not Ashamed section of my site (so that it’s all tidy).