1.0Amber Bird | Bloghttps://www.amberbird.com/blogamberhttps://www.amberbird.com/blog/author/admin/Not Ashamed: Self-Hater - Amber Bird | Blogrich600338<blockquote class="wp-embedded-content" data-secret="FRB6TfUa2T"><a href="https://www.amberbird.com/blog/2015/05/24/not-ashamed-self-hater/">Not Ashamed: Self-Hater</a></blockquote><iframe sandbox="allow-scripts" security="restricted" src="https://www.amberbird.com/blog/2015/05/24/not-ashamed-self-hater/embed/#?secret=FRB6TfUa2T" width="600" height="338" title="“Not Ashamed: Self-Hater” — Amber Bird | Blog" data-secret="FRB6TfUa2T" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" class="wp-embedded-content"></iframe><script>
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If you haven’t already, please read the introduction post. That will give you context for this page. This one will be short, because: I don’t want to dwell on this and feel bad. I have touched on it in other posts, and am likely to do so in future posts. For much of my life, starting around age 11, I was a self-hater. Full on irrational loathing (that I thought was totally rational). Unable to admit to anything good about me even if there was proof more substantial than just my mum saying nice things. For example, I just knew I was stupid…never mind that I got good marks in school and was part of assorted academic competition teams. I would entertain a bit of smug satisfaction when, for instance, I got my grades. But that would somehow be swallowed by the howling storm of self-loathing within minutes. And every time I said good things about myself out loud all through my teen years, I was, in my opinion, lying. (And then I felt bad for lying…) What I saw in the mirror and what I saw inside me was…worthless, rubbish, unlovable, unworthy of love, and so on and so […]https://www.amberbird.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AmberBird_fromPF_portraitSQ.jpg13241324