{"version":"1.0","provider_name":"Amber Bird | Blog","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog","author_name":"amber","author_url":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/author\/admin\/","title":"Not Ashamed: Suicidal - Amber Bird | Blog","type":"rich","width":600,"height":338,"html":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"CcckG43GUl\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/16\/not-ashamed-suicidal\/\">Not Ashamed: Suicidal<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/16\/not-ashamed-suicidal\/embed\/#?secret=CcckG43GUl\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\" title=\"&#8220;Not Ashamed: Suicidal&#8221; &#8212; Amber Bird | Blog\" data-secret=\"CcckG43GUl\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n","description":"If you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already, please read the introduction post. That will give you context for this page. (Trigger warning: suicide, depression) This one&#8230;I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to keep it short. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see any good that would come of me describing in great detail what I felt like when I was suicidal. I will just say that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not the same as feeling self-harm urges. For me, it was always an emotional and mental state that was despairing beyond anything I could believe existed when I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t in the middle of feeling them. And it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just a brief moment. It would settle in&#8230;last long enough for me to decide that literally nothing could compensate for continuing to feel that way&#8230;and then long enough for me to purposefully consider and plan how I would do it. This was not the same as the moments I was emotionally overwhelmed and sobbingly asserted that I could not go on. And it could happen during times you might think I had everything to live for and no reason to want to die. The motivating emotion is not, at least for me, rational. I also can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see what good would come of describing the ways I [&hellip;]","thumbnail_url":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/AmberBird_fromPF_portraitSQ.jpg","thumbnail_width":1324,"thumbnail_height":1324}