{"version":"1.0","provider_name":"Amber Bird | Blog","provider_url":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog","author_name":"amber","author_url":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/author\/admin\/","title":"Not Ashamed: Self Harming - Amber Bird | Blog","type":"rich","width":600,"height":338,"html":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"6FFOXmHvQJ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/23\/not-ashamed-self-harming\/\">Not Ashamed: Self Harming<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/23\/not-ashamed-self-harming\/embed\/#?secret=6FFOXmHvQJ\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\" title=\"&#8220;Not Ashamed: Self Harming&#8221; &#8212; Amber Bird | Blog\" data-secret=\"6FFOXmHvQJ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n","description":"If you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already, please read the introduction post. That will give you context for this page. (Trigger warning: self harm, depression) Like last week, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to try to keep this shorter. I know I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not the only one whose self harm behaviours (or at least the demons in my head that wail for them) can be triggered by reading about others\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 behaviours. Sometimes, it was a drawn out loathing that pushed me. Purposeful. Others, it was a sudden burst. What I did varied based on which it was. Anger is a secondary emotion, one that masks more vulnerable things. So, when I say that it was often something that felt like anger that drove me&#8230;It would more accurately be described as severe disappointment in myself, frustration with myself, self-loathing, self-disgust&#8230; I was good at hiding it. I had good excuses and I favoured clothes that covered me completely and loads of jewellery. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty confident that, whilst adults might have expected it just because I wore black, none of them actually knew or had reason to believe beyond going in for stereotypes. (For the record, oh you stereotypers, there were plenty of people who looked like me [&hellip;]","thumbnail_url":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/AmberBird_fromPF_portraitSQ.jpg","thumbnail_width":1324,"thumbnail_height":1324}