{"id":384,"date":"2015-04-12T13:32:06","date_gmt":"2015-04-12T20:32:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/?p=384"},"modified":"2016-05-17T18:31:41","modified_gmt":"2016-05-18T01:31:41","slug":"not-ashamed-bisexual","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/04\/12\/not-ashamed-bisexual\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Ashamed: Bisexual"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you haven’t already, please read the introduction post<\/a>. That will give you context for this page.<\/p>\n

\n

Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kick this one off by me explaining what I mean when I say that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m bisexual. There are a few different ways that it gets defined by people who wear the label, and some have even decided that the way some of us use the term is better called something else. But \u00e2\u20ac\u0153bisexual\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is what resonates with me. So, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my label. And, for me, that means that I am attracted to those like me and those not like me. (Those are the two populations that make up the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153bi\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in there for me.) I am romantically and sexually attracted to people in both categories on a person-by-person basis. Again, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a clarification that all of you will understand the need for, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s something that comes up and that matters.<\/p>\n

I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t divide by two biological sexes, male and female, because there are people who are intersex<\/a> or trans<\/a>. And because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m open to the belief that there are populations in which more than just two biological sexes are acknowledged (instead of existing but being ignored). Whilst I tend to skew slightly towards attraction to biological males, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re definitely not the only ones who work for me.<\/p>\n

I also don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just divide by two genders. As those of you who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve read my post on being genderfluid have (hopefully) learned, there are more than two genders, more than just the masculine and the feminine. And pinning down which, if any, gender I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m most attracted to is pretty impossible (and not really a necessary task, in my opinion).<\/p>\n

In general, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really divide when it comes to attraction. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m attracted to individuals.<\/p>\n

I specify both romantic and sexual attraction because there are people who can find themselves sexually attracted to, for instance, men without being romantically attracted. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all physical and they have no inclination towards emotional involvement or relationships. And vice versa. For me, sometimes it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all emotional and sometimes it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all sexual. Sometimes it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s both. And all three of those states have occurred towards a wide array of those who are both like me in terms of, among other things, sex or gender and those who are unlike me.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a><\/p>\n

People have a lot of misperceptions about bisexuals, some of which have been reinforced by actions of bisexuals they have known or by the stereotypes the media portrays (in those rare cases they portray someone as bisexual). So, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the next thing I want to clarify.<\/p>\n

That I am bisexual doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean I believe I have license to cheat or that I believe I am at the mercy of my libido. If you have had a bisexual partner cheat on you with that excuse, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a story about them and how they failed to act honestly and be true; that is not an inherent part of being bisexual. I am quite capable of being faithful.<\/p>\n

That I am bisexual doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean I need polyamoury. I have plenty of friends for whom polyamoury is the answer, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not judging them. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just not who I am and is not an inherent part of being bisexual. I am, in fact, zealously monogamous.<\/p>\n

That I am bisexual doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m promiscuous. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not here to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153slut shame\u00e2\u20ac\u009d anyone, but people assuming my bisexuality makes me easy (and, by \u00e2\u20ac\u0153people,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I mainly mean drunk blokes at parties or bars) has gotten old.<\/p>\n

I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t \u00e2\u20ac\u0153claim\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to be bisexual for attention. Believe me, mate, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got plenty of ways to get attention.<\/p>\n

I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t \u00e2\u20ac\u0153claim\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to be bisexual to make boys want me. Believe me, mate, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got plenty of ways to get boys to like me.<\/p>\n

This isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a phase. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m out of uni and still attracted to all sorts of people.<\/p>\n

Whether or not I am currently having sex with both males and females, even if I get married to someone and never sleep with anyone else again, I am still bisexual. Just like you are still homosexual or heterosexual when you aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t getting laid.<\/p>\n

I am not going to pursue your partner, male or female. Part of my zealous monogamy includes a respect for your relationship, even if you are with someone who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a Very Bad Fit for you.<\/p>\n

One aspect that makes me a little crazy, and you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll recognise this if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re heterosexual as well, is a trust issue when it comes to friends. You know what I mean. You are, for instance, a straight girl with a male friend. You get close, and they freak out. You get close and their girlfriend assumes you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to steal them. Even if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re actually asexual and a robot. Once people find out I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m bisexual…well, that can get fun. Am I no longer to be trusted with male or<\/em> female friends? If you are a female friend, will I be unable to restrain myself from jumping you (in spite of the admirable restraint I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve shown by not jumping almost any of my male friends)? Sure, boys and girls, I might mention interest, because some of the things that make you a cool friend might also make you a good partner. But I am in charge of me. Even if my heart throws itself, I can manage to not jump you. (I know; how very strong of me. I must be a sodding superhero!) I can even manage, when you aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t interested, to not be weird and to just be friends like we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve always been. (I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d give you references, but that might just ruin all the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153not being weird\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in those relationships…)<\/p>\n

Because, really, I am<\/em> the same person you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve known all this time. Even if you hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t realised the breadth of my attractions. And, really, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m probably not interested in you \u00e2\u20ac\u0153that way.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d If I were, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s likely that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d already have told you. Move along, folks, nothing to see here…<\/p>\n

p.s. Here are some stats about bisexuals that I’m going to put in your face whilst you’re already on the topic. (Click to enlarge.)<\/p>\n

\"Text-heavy<\/a><\/p>\n

Cross-posted<\/a> to the Not Ashamed section of my site (so that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all tidy).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you haven’t already, please read the introduction post. That will give you context for this page. Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kick this one off by me explaining what I mean when I say that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m bisexual. There are a few different ways that it gets defined by people who wear the label, and some have even decided that the way some of us use the term is better called something else. But \u00e2\u20ac\u0153bisexual\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is what resonates with me. So, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my label. And, for me, that means that I am attracted to those like me and those not like me. (Those are the two populations that make up the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153bi\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in there for me.) I am romantically and sexually attracted to people in both categories on a person-by-person basis. Again, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a clarification that all of you will understand the need for, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s something that comes up and that matters. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t divide by two biological sexes, male and female, because there are people who are intersex or trans. And because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m open to the belief that there are populations in which more than just two biological sexes are acknowledged (instead of existing but being ignored). 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Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kick this one off by me explaining what I mean when I say that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m bisexual. There are a few different ways that it gets defined by people who wear the label, and some have even decided that the way some of us use the term is better called something else. But \u00e2\u20ac\u0153bisexual\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is what resonates with me. So, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my label. And, for me, that means that I am attracted to those like me and those not like me. (Those are the two populations that make up the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153bi\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in there for me.) I am romantically and sexually attracted to people in both categories on a person-by-person basis. Again, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a clarification that all of you will understand the need for, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s something that comes up and that matters. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t divide by two biological sexes, male and female, because there are people who are intersex or trans. 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