{"id":489,"date":"2015-08-02T17:39:50","date_gmt":"2015-08-03T00:39:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/?p=489"},"modified":"2016-05-17T18:21:39","modified_gmt":"2016-05-18T01:21:39","slug":"not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/02\/not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Ashamed: Devoutly Mormon"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already, please read the introduction post<\/a>. That will give you context for this page.<\/p>\n

\n

Like last week, this topic is another of the top 5 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m most hesitant to post. As I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been writing these, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve become more aware of which I see (sometimes just in my own mind and sometimes based in my actual experiences) as having the most negative impact when people learn them about me. And this is one that, when someone learns it, seems to obliterate everything else they know about me.<\/p>\n

And this is the only one that has caused even those who call me a friend to belligerently berate me for it. (Sometimes nearly frothing as they shout insults and stereotypical accusations at me.)<\/p>\n

And this is the one that has cost me relationships. People who said they loved me but wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be with me because of this or friends who progressively became too aggressively opposed to me being this to talk to me anymore. (And, no, these weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cases where I brought it up. I just lived my life and let them live theirs and they, out of the blue and without it ever actually affecting them or how I treated them, decided it was a problem.)<\/p>\n

I even have beloved family members who have flat out said things like \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I love you even though you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Now, pretend you hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already read the title. Pretend you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re just going on what you already know of me. Maybe what you know because you know me in person or maybe what you know based just on what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve written. Sure, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have to take my word that the thing behind the label in question isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a thing I bring up constantly or that leads me to treat others poorly or whatever…But, if I were looking at the topics I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d written so far, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d look at my description and wonder if the label in question was \u00e2\u20ac\u0153serial killer\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or something equally horrible.<\/p>\n

Religion is an odd thing.<\/p>\n

I grew up Mormon, but in a household that valued personal study. That valued asking questions and looking for satisfying answers. That didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t freak out when my questions had to do, for instance, with something I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d found in Buddhism that I appreciated. That maybe didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t love my personal aesthetic choices but, unlike some other friends\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 households, didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t kick me out for my style choices or try to send me to an institution or even allow doctors to drug me for them.<\/p>\n

I went on to get a degree in Philosophy at uni, which is all about questioning everything, and did so with the enthusiastic support of my parents. I learned to question everything even more rigorously than before and to evaluate my sources and the answers I thought I had. My peers questioned me about my beliefs, but in the straight-forward and demanding way that a good philosopher questions, not in a nasty way.<\/p>\n

So, when people assume I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m just Mormon because it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my habit, I can tell you that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not the case.<\/p>\n

When people assume that I never questioned (maybe never even thought to question), I can tell you that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not the case.<\/p>\n

When people assume I do it to please my family or be in a community, I can tell you that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not the case.<\/p>\n

When people assume I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m blind to problematic issues and areas and they just need to berate me enough to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153help\u00e2\u20ac\u009d so that I can be free, I can tell you that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not the case.<\/p>\n

When people assume that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sheltered, that I have lived my life in what I call \u00e2\u20ac\u0153the Mormon bubble,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d with all my friends and family also being devout members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I can tell you that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not the case.<\/p>\n

I absolutely understand, having seen it happen to friends or having done the logic exercises in courses, that people have had legitimately bad experiences or that the truth claims of some or all religions don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make sense to some people.<\/p>\n

I know that there are Mormons who have done bad things, even made people I love feel horrible.<\/p>\n

I know that there are some issues around my religion that are problematic, even if you do<\/em> believe in a higher power.<\/p>\n

I have, as a person who doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tend to fit the normal societal moulds, much less the normal Mormon moulds, had negative experiences with individuals at church and struggled with some doctrinal issues. I probably always will deal with both those.<\/p>\n

But, here\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the thing…<\/p>\n

In my course of study for my Philosophy degree, I came to realise and accept and embrace<\/em> that my membership in the LDS church is entirely grounded in faith. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had some nice experiences and what I perceive as some powerful spiritual moments, to be sure, but mainly my membership is due to faith. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t claim that there is logic there, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m okay with that. (In fact, I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve alienated some neighbours because they tried to explain why it was logical to believe in God and the reasons they gave didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t actually live up to the standards I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been taught are necessary for something to actually be considered logic…so I noted that and noted that my belief was all rooted in faith and that that, from my reading of scripture, was what was actually expected of Christians. I get that it makes sense<\/em> to some people, but \u00e2\u20ac\u0153making sense\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153logical\u00e2\u20ac\u009d aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the same thing. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not out to undercut anyone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s beliefs, but I actually do care about the integrity of logic.)<\/p>\n

I also have never intentionally pushed my religion on anyone or even assertively offered it once it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been rejected. My preferred method of sharing is to be my best self, to not try to hide that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Mormon, and to not blot out this piece of my life in conversation when it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s relevant to, for instance, a discussion of my motives for some choice. (I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve actually had people I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve known for a while express surprise when they learn I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m Mormon because I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem the way they think Mormons would be and, obviously, I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t pushing my religion on them.)<\/p>\n

Whilst I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe at all that religion or spirituality are necessary for a person to be good or to do good, I know that my religion has been a positive motivational factor in my own<\/em> behaviours. One that was especially useful, in hindsight, as I tried not to completely ruin everything as a teenager. A good influence on my life that even the relative who once hugged me tight, kissed me goodnight, and said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I love you even though you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re Mormon,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d went on to acknowledge.<\/p>\n

I have never judged another to be lesser than me due to them not being LDS. My religion doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make me superior. Not at all. And I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think it makes anyone else have greater worth. Sorry, Mormon people who are reading, but a shared religion isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really going to get you any advantages with me.<\/p>\n

Now, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not here to argue in general, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m certainly not here to argue with anyone about their issues with the church of which I am a devout member. As I said, I respect that people have had bad experiences and that there are problematic issues. But, as for me personally, the only thing my religious beliefs ever took from another person, as far as I can tell, would be all those people who wanted to have sex with me and didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get it. People have, when berating me, suggested other negative things it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s caused me to do, but the things they claim haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ever actually been true and applicable to me. (That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a challenge; please don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t scramble to find another thing that me being Mormon has made bad. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m probably just going to delete that rubbish.)<\/p>\n

So, whilst I am truly sorry for any bad experience you have had with Mormons or the LDS church, I am not ashamed to be devoutly Mormon. I love having faith and I am grateful for the good experiences I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had and the positive feelings my religion have engendered in me.<\/p>\n

I once dreamt that I was given the chance to have what I want most in this world. All I had to do was say that I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe what I believe. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll tell you now what I said in my dream: Me saying it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t true wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t change that I believe it; it would only make me feel dishonest and dirty.<\/p>\n

My whole \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not Ashamed\u00e2\u20ac\u009d effort could read like a really long and awkward (extra awkward?) version of those old adverts. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a rockstar, a bisexual, bipolar, autistic, a geek, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a Mormon.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ha!<\/p>\n

Hi. My name is Amber, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a devout, Sunday school-teaching (for real), weekly-service-attending Mormon. And I might be nervous to tell you that based on past experiences, but I am not ashamed.<\/p>\n

Cross-posted<\/a> to the Not Ashamed section of my site (so that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all tidy).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already, please read the introduction post. That will give you context for this page. Like last week, this topic is another of the top 5 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m most hesitant to post. As I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been writing these, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve become more aware of which I see (sometimes just in my own mind and sometimes based in my actual experiences) as having the most negative impact when people learn them about me. And this is one that, when someone learns it, seems to obliterate everything else they know about me. And this is the only one that has caused even those who call me a friend to belligerently berate me for it. (Sometimes nearly frothing as they shout insults and stereotypical accusations at me.) And this is the one that has cost me relationships. People who said they loved me but wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be with me because of this or friends who progressively became too aggressively opposed to me being this to talk to me anymore. (And, no, these weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cases where I brought it up. I just lived my life and let them live theirs and they, out of the blue and without it ever actually affecting them or how I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-489","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-not-ashamed"],"yoast_head":"\nNot Ashamed: Devoutly Mormon - Amber Bird | Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/02\/not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Not Ashamed: Devoutly Mormon - Amber Bird | Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already, please read the introduction post. 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That will give you context for this page. Like last week, this topic is another of the top 5 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m most hesitant to post. As I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been writing these, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve become more aware of which I see (sometimes just in my own mind and sometimes based in my actual experiences) as having the most negative impact when people learn them about me. And this is one that, when someone learns it, seems to obliterate everything else they know about me. And this is the only one that has caused even those who call me a friend to belligerently berate me for it. (Sometimes nearly frothing as they shout insults and stereotypical accusations at me.) And this is the one that has cost me relationships. People who said they loved me but wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be with me because of this or friends who progressively became too aggressively opposed to me being this to talk to me anymore. (And, no, these weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cases where I brought it up. I just lived my life and let them live theirs and they, out of the blue and without it ever actually affecting them or how I […]","og_url":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/02\/not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon\/","og_site_name":"Amber Bird | Blog","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/AmberBirdOfficial\/","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/AmberBirdOfficial\/","article_published_time":"2015-08-03T00:39:50+00:00","article_modified_time":"2016-05-18T01:21:39+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1324,"height":1324,"url":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/AmberBird_fromPF_portraitSQ.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"amber","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@varnishcentral","twitter_site":"@varnishcentral","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"amber","Est. reading time":"8 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/02\/not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/02\/not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon\/"},"author":{"name":"amber","@id":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/9cda509e2d397ea9b1d9bf39ef88b58f"},"headline":"Not Ashamed: Devoutly Mormon","datePublished":"2015-08-03T00:39:50+00:00","dateModified":"2016-05-18T01:21:39+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/02\/not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon\/"},"wordCount":1581,"commentCount":2,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/9cda509e2d397ea9b1d9bf39ef88b58f"},"articleSection":["not ashamed"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/02\/not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/02\/not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon\/","url":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/02\/not-ashamed-devoutly-mormon\/","name":"Not Ashamed: Devoutly Mormon - 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