{"id":515,"date":"2015-08-30T14:34:05","date_gmt":"2015-08-30T21:34:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/?p=515"},"modified":"2016-05-17T18:19:55","modified_gmt":"2016-05-18T01:19:55","slug":"not-ashamed-violently-angry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/30\/not-ashamed-violently-angry\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Ashamed: Violently Angry"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already, please read the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/na\/na-intro.php\">introduction post<\/a>. That will give you context for this page.<\/p>\n<hr width=\"50%\" \/>\n<p>I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d love to say that I no longer struggle with being violently angry, but at least it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s rarer. And, at this point, I think I can pinpoint some of the causes. Not all, but some.<\/p>\n<p>I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that, sometimes, this is related to be having some serious sensory or emotional overload. (Which ties back to some of the issues that come with my autism.)<\/p>\n<p>I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that, sometimes, this is related to me having a manic swing.<\/p>\n<p>I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that, sometimes, this is related to hormonal shifts.<\/p>\n<p>But there are also times when I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t figure out the cause or the trigger. Sure, I can point to the thing that someone else said or did (or to the malfunctioning inanimate object), but it won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make sense to me why it has sparked the level of anger it has.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/futurama-angrydome.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-517\" src=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/futurama-angrydome.gif\" alt=\"Futurama: Professor is pacing in a dome. Text: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Angry Dome.\" width=\"400\" height=\"268\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n<em>I&#8217;m going to have one of these when I get filthy rich.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Again, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s rare-ish these days, relatively speaking. Not like when I was at uni and had to keep a box in the corner of the room just for me to kick to bits. I used to replace that box weekly\u00e2\u20ac\u201dat least\u00e2\u20ac\u201dafter I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d kicked it so much that it was no longer structurally-sound enough to give me any satisfaction.<\/p>\n<p>These days, the emotion itself is rarer and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m <em>much<\/em> better at suppressing it until I find an appropriate release (or until it seeps out into my dreams&#8230;which is actually just the worst, so I usually find another answer quickly).<\/p>\n<p>One of my favourite anger-related factoids, which I must have shared before: I read in a psychology journal that anger is a secondary emotion. When you feel anger, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s there to cover a more vulnerable emotion. The start of me gaining control of my anger was that article. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d get the anger and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d make myself stop until I could find the cause. What raw, more vulnerable thing was I really feeling? Disappointment? Frustration? Fear? Failure? And even if it was something that I can now pin on, for instance, the way my autistic brain is wired, it helped.<\/p>\n<p>Since realising how important solitude is to me, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve also cut down on it. Partly, I believe, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s helped cut down on the times I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m over-stimulated. Partly, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s probably because there are fewer things to set me off when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m alone.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like shouting, and have pretty much managed to avoid that most the time. And I really am a fan of peace, so have done what I could to keep my anger\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwhen it manifests as a physical urge\u00e2\u20ac\u201daimed at myself or at inanimate objects.<\/p>\n<p>But, really, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m just trying to keep from going there. And, when I feel it coming on, to keep from escalating. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not ashamed that I feel violently angry sometimes, and I try not to do anything when it hits that will leave me feeling ashamed for other reasons.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/na\/na-angry.php\" target=\"_blank\">Cross-posted<\/a> to the Not Ashamed section of my site (so that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all tidy).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already, please read the introduction post. That will give you context for this page. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d love to say that I no longer struggle with being violently angry, but at least it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s rarer. And, at this point, I think I can pinpoint some of the causes. Not all, but some. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that, sometimes, this is related to be having some serious sensory or emotional overload. (Which ties back to some of the issues that come with my autism.) I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that, sometimes, this is related to me having a manic swing. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that, sometimes, this is related to hormonal shifts. But there are also times when I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t figure out the cause or the trigger. Sure, I can point to the thing that someone else said or did (or to the malfunctioning inanimate object), but it won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make sense to me why it has sparked the level of anger it has. I&#8217;m going to have one of these when I get filthy rich. Again, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s rare-ish these days, relatively speaking. Not like when I was at uni and had to keep a box in the corner of the room just for me to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-515","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-not-ashamed"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Not Ashamed: Violently Angry - Amber Bird | Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.amberbird.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/30\/not-ashamed-violently-angry\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Not Ashamed: Violently Angry - Amber Bird | Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already, please read the introduction post. That will give you context for this page. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d love to say that I no longer struggle with being violently angry, but at least it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s rarer. And, at this point, I think I can pinpoint some of the causes. Not all, but some. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that, sometimes, this is related to be having some serious sensory or emotional overload. (Which ties back to some of the issues that come with my autism.) I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that, sometimes, this is related to me having a manic swing. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that, sometimes, this is related to hormonal shifts. But there are also times when I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t figure out the cause or the trigger. Sure, I can point to the thing that someone else said or did (or to the malfunctioning inanimate object), but it won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make sense to me why it has sparked the level of anger it has. I&#8217;m going to have one of these when I get filthy rich. 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