Earlier in the week, as I was pondering some things in my life, the Universe chimed in via my web browser.
There were two tabs open in my browser, side by side, and their subject matters appeared to be having an argument. I’ve recreated it for you in the picture that follows. I’d read the text in the graphic, and then look up to the other tab (which was for an essay titled “But will it be worth it when you get there?“)
These tabs were both open for most the day, and I kept seeming to rediscover them as I came back to my desk or back to my browser between other tasks.
What makes it even more tangled a question is that I’m not just waiting on the topics in question. As much as possible, I’m working for the things I want. I’m putting time, money, effort, heart, soul, blood/sweat/tears, and all that into these things.
So, really, the question is even more important. Because I’m giving more than just waiting, so what I find when I get “there” is going to have to be even more. And, if I never get to the “there” I’m pursuing so that the “was it worth it” question is a deathbed sort of thing…At that point, do I say, “It wasn’t worth it,” or will I be more inclined to say, “At least I gave it my all so that I can’t wonder ‘what if?’ on that one.”? (Wow, the punctuation at the end strained even my editorial brain…And I’m still not sure I got it right…) The latter possibility, along with the fact that it’s likely less effort would lead to even lesser results, means that the middle path doesn’t seem like the right answer just now.
As you can guess, my pondering continues. I can’t actually predict where my efforts will lead or what I’ll think on my deathbed. I can’t even know what I’ll think tomorrow when it comes to some things…Heh. Usually, I’d just advise myself (or someone in the same situation) to follow my heart. I really believe in using intuition as a compass. But my compass seems broken on this at the moment. At most, I’m struck by the advice in the essay to find joy along the way. I’m paraphrasing, but it basically says that. And, in particular, I feel like I need to find good feelings specifically attached to the topics in question. More good feelings, fewer bad feelings. And, hopefully, somewhere in there, my compass starts to work.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic or your anecdotes where you were in situations that might have warranted this question. And, of course, those that pertain to creative endeavours get bonus points. (Don’t worry, people with whom I’m working, I’m not pondering ending any of our projects. If I were, I wouldn’t have written new things for each project in the days since the browser tabs entered the conversation. Heh.)
Hope that your life is full of efforts that will feel entirely worth it when you get to wherever “there” is!
xxx
ps I suspect that one thing that will feed into my decisions is having a clear grasp of what matters, what my priorities are. That’s important. So, so important. Loads of things going on have pointed me toward that truth the last couple weeks. Including the tough choice that Amanda Palmer made to cancel her tour so she could stay home with her best friend who’s got cancer. In my world, that’s the right choice, and surely one aided by understanding that there are some things more important than music and career. But, before this postscript turns into a blog of its own, my priority is sleep! Sweet dreams, lovelies.